Have you ever taught a class? If you have, then you will understand my introduction. In every classroom there is at least one person who continuously agrees with you. It goes something like this: Oh yes, uhh ha, yes, yes, nod, nod, yes, nod, etc… Be very sure and never forget that this is definitely the one person who has no clue what you are talking about. Do not be this person. There is nothing more pathetic then a person pretending to understanding everything you are saying and you know that they are a dumb ass. How do I know? Because I have dumbdar; very similar to radar and gaydar. It is a siren that goes off in my head and I just want to reach out and pat the poor little thing on the head. It’s just so sad. But on the brighter side, there is hope.
Game 101 starts by conquering your fears and feeling hope, empowering your speech patterns then putting a little strut in your style. Why me? Why do I think I am so great as to tell someone else how to get game? Because I am, now sit down and shut your mouth. I’m talking.
The hope I am speaking of? Well that would be to get your game on. For without game, you are lame. I believe that was Shakespeare. Some people will tell you that some have game and some don’t. All lies. Do not let people label you. Everything is obtainable. You just can not be scared of ………NO……..It happens and so what. Big deal. Who are you to think you are so great that no one can say no to you. Or you get told no, and then you sulk. Wimp! You know what no means to me? No means I am a step closer to a yes. I almost want to hug the possible donor for telling me no because you have just helped me in getting a little closer to my next yes. If you go your whole life trying to get a yes’ and never do, then end it all. I was wrong and life is not worth living. But that will never happen. So the fear of going in cold is not as bad you may think. I love it. It’s like the first date, you know. I love first dates because I can run the show. It is only after a while do I become the servant but that’s another blog. But you know what I mean.
Having a powerful speech pattern is the most important thing in life; after breathing. God, my friend, gave you the ability to breath. I, your friend, will give you the ability to have game. First, THE BASICS: hedging, intensifiers, and fillers. Huh? What? Hedging? I hate yard work. If this is what you’re thinking, go slap your mother for me.
Hedging is when you make a direct comment and invalidate it with indecisiveness. For example, I would like you to donate 5k to help the starving puppies in Djibouti. (Direct) I would like you to donate 5k to help the starving puppies in Djibouti, unless this is not a good time for you. (Hedging) Unless this is not a good time for you? Are you serious? The direct way makes it harder for the donor to say no. It’s hard for them to say no also. So what you have done in the hedging comment is allow the possible donor and easier way to get out. If he was not going to give me the money anyway, I want to put a little heat his way too. Life is hard people. Don’t give outs when you don’t have to.
Intensifiers are good and powerful words but when used too much, you lose credibility. When someone is talking to you and you retort absolutely, then wonderful, incredible, absolutely, say goodbye to your creditability. This is a common known fact in the courtroom. It’s just not for lawyers anymore. An intensifier every now and then is fine and it gives power to your speech but you had better be careful how many intensifiers you use. FANTASTIC!
Fillers are words that people use when they can’t think of what they are suppose to say. I was going to, uhhhh, uhhh, the store and wanted, uhhh, the stuff on the, you know, ummm, shelf. This screams dumb ass and who in the world is going to give you anything when you sound like the missing link. Say what you have to say and do not sound like a monkey. You know what I hate the worst… Oh, this one kills me. “Yea man, I was driving and got a ticket, you know. I was barely, you know, speeding. That cop was an asshole, you know.” Do I know? Oh, no. You are far superior to I and I can not even begin to understand the words that are spewing out of your cranium. You moron! I’ve burnt more brain cells then you will ever have.
Put some strut in your game. First, basic mommy 101. Put your shoulders back, sit up straight, don’t chew with you mouth open, etc… If you don’t know these or have to work on them, I just don’t know what to tell you. I’m at a loss. Approaching a possible donor is sometimes scary but never let them see it. When you start to look fearful it gets worse for you. You begin to sweat, you stumble, your inside is FREAKING OUT, and you are about to lose it. Just chill in the beginning and never let it get that way. Walk in confident, even if you’re not, shoulders back and eye to eye contact is a must. This is not the 70’s, so formal greetings are out. Do not say, “Good morning, Sir”, to Timmy the 27 year old CFO. But don’t do not greet Timmy with “waz up” either. If you walk in and it is a 92 year old that is still acting CEO of his own company, “good morning Sir,” it will be. You find the greeting that is appropriate for the situation. The first look and the greeting will be imperative.
I must end this here because Michelle said my last blog was too long. Hater!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
DATABASES - I love it, I love it, I want some more of it.
I know how busy you are because we hear you crying about it all day long. Save some time by not bitching and start compiling information. The vast array of information you can compile is amazing. Your development department has a database but they need it for their next fundraiser. We don’t want to request too much from one donor. Damn. Back to square one. Then how can S.E.man get anywhere without a database? Well let me just give you a few avenues to choose from.
First, use the theme of your project to compile names, addresses, phone numbers, emails, websites, if they donated; how much, what type of donation, location of donation, etc… Make it as specific as you can. The more specific you make it the easier it can be to run a query. A database can be as easy as an excel spreadsheet and can go as high fa-looting as Razors Edge (RE). Ohhhh, RE gives me the chills. A spreadsheet can be as plain as manually inputting name (A1), address (A2,3,4,5), email (A6), salutation, if you know it, new name (B1,2,3), and so forth. No formulas, just data entry in the simplest form. You don’t know excel but you were really good at Lotus123? Well isn’t that special. To bad we’re still not in the 90’s. Input the information and call IT then run and register for the next excel course. Tell them you heard about this anomaly called “V-LOOKUP” and you must know more.
If your IT department can help you in anyway, I would suggest you have them create an access database with individual fields (first, last, email, address, donation type, volunteer, etc…) so you can look up specific things. Let’s say you need to know everyone who has donated 5k or more in the zip code 55555 – BAM – there it is. You can even query everyone with the last name Johnson who donated Cheerios. The more specific you get the better you can isolate the very people you want to target. You do not want to ask a 5k cash donor to do an in kind drive for pampers. Why you ask? BECAUSE that’s dumb and don’t ever ask me that again.
Where do I get the donor information for my database and what are those project themes you were talking about? Man this is about to make me cry. You must know that these are some of the very questions I hear and I’m welling up as I type.
First, if you are receiving any form of donations and you are a NFP, get a donation tax write off form. And if you already have a form, ENSURE that form is a 2 sheet carbon copy form; one for the donor and one for you. Sounds logical right? NOT! I have had to create this process numerous times. I even worked with a NFP who gave out an index card type form. The donor comes up, drops off the donation, they are handed this card to fill out later, and off they go. I can almost see the staff member waving. “See ya. Come back soon. Don’t forget to write.” You must have a copy and you must put that into a database. They just donated to you ding dong. You have the edge. You can even put a thank you on the back of the donors copy and you don’t have to mail a “thank you for donating your stuff to us” letter. Cha-Ching.
Any questions on tax write offs use this link: http://www.irs.gov/fairmarketvalue
Never give a value to a donor. That is between them and the irs.
Another way I have used to pump up a “non development” database is the phonebook. I pick a project and find people I want to help me in my project. For example, my NFP is buying toothbrushes, toothpaste, mouthwash, facial tissue, latex gloves, and tongue depressors from our never ending decreasing budget. We spend roughly 5k a quarter from our budget on these items. To me that screams doctors and dentists. And why doctors and dentists, you may ask? Because I can send a letter expressing my heartfelt story and make them feel for my plight. He does not have to give to my wonderful, community serving cause, from his wallet, but rather, he can ask his supply rep and pharmaceutical rep to help him. All I have to do is remind the doctor of his exceptional resource. Put a little bug in his ear and do it in a way he thinks that it’s his idea. They like that. Those reps are ass kissing just like the rest of us. They want to make that doctor happy so he will push their meds or use their products. All the doctor has to do is request, from his Pfizer rep, a case or two of facial tissue. It will probably have Viagra on it, but it all wipes the same. Now THAT DOCTOR is worthy of your database. If you get anything, from anyone, anywhere, get their info! Even if they are broke and have nothing in their pockets to give. They can give their time. Do you want to be the one entering this stuff into the database? I hope not because you have bigger things to accomplish then to data entry.
The dentist is the best. I have scored more toothpaste and toothbrushes than any SE person on the planet. I can assure you that I personally guilt my dentist and doctor on every visit. It is the least they can do for me for gaining by business and allowing me to use my “affordable healthcare” in their establishment.
What bank do you use? Hit them up too. Banks are good for administrative supplies. They have pens and all other sorts of stuff with their logos on them. Pens are also another good thing to get from your doctor. The pharmaceutical reps have thousands. If your NFP is buying pens, shame on you.
Now I am getting too deep into in kind and that is for next time. But one little story to tell about free pharmaceutical pens. I just got back from cold calling all sorts of people and mingling amongst the community. I was flaunting my new pens this rep gave me everywhere, using some of them I deemed “my favorite”, and knowing for sure I was the bomb. Back at work, I am wallowing in my free pharmaceutical logo pens, clueless to what any of it means, when a colleague walks into my office. We start chatting when she looks oddly at me, then my two favorite pens, back at me, then back at my pens. “WHAT! Why are you scanning me,” I replied. She asked me if I knew what the pharmaceutical names meant on both of my new favorite pens; both of which were different. I did not know and so what. They were free. They were great pens and I loved them…UNTIL….I found out they were creams for yeast infections. Then I wanted to die. I had just been all over town. I went to the Rotary Club, Better Business Bureau, Altrusa Intl., a few networking groups, cold calls, and I wondered how many people thought I was this nasty riddled up yeast infected God knows what. What did I do, you ask? Well I did the right thing I can assure you. I did the right thing because that is what I do and that is who I am. I gave them to my sister and told her how good they wrote.
First, use the theme of your project to compile names, addresses, phone numbers, emails, websites, if they donated; how much, what type of donation, location of donation, etc… Make it as specific as you can. The more specific you make it the easier it can be to run a query. A database can be as easy as an excel spreadsheet and can go as high fa-looting as Razors Edge (RE). Ohhhh, RE gives me the chills. A spreadsheet can be as plain as manually inputting name (A1), address (A2,3,4,5), email (A6), salutation, if you know it, new name (B1,2,3), and so forth. No formulas, just data entry in the simplest form. You don’t know excel but you were really good at Lotus123? Well isn’t that special. To bad we’re still not in the 90’s. Input the information and call IT then run and register for the next excel course. Tell them you heard about this anomaly called “V-LOOKUP” and you must know more.
If your IT department can help you in anyway, I would suggest you have them create an access database with individual fields (first, last, email, address, donation type, volunteer, etc…) so you can look up specific things. Let’s say you need to know everyone who has donated 5k or more in the zip code 55555 – BAM – there it is. You can even query everyone with the last name Johnson who donated Cheerios. The more specific you get the better you can isolate the very people you want to target. You do not want to ask a 5k cash donor to do an in kind drive for pampers. Why you ask? BECAUSE that’s dumb and don’t ever ask me that again.
Where do I get the donor information for my database and what are those project themes you were talking about? Man this is about to make me cry. You must know that these are some of the very questions I hear and I’m welling up as I type.
First, if you are receiving any form of donations and you are a NFP, get a donation tax write off form. And if you already have a form, ENSURE that form is a 2 sheet carbon copy form; one for the donor and one for you. Sounds logical right? NOT! I have had to create this process numerous times. I even worked with a NFP who gave out an index card type form. The donor comes up, drops off the donation, they are handed this card to fill out later, and off they go. I can almost see the staff member waving. “See ya. Come back soon. Don’t forget to write.” You must have a copy and you must put that into a database. They just donated to you ding dong. You have the edge. You can even put a thank you on the back of the donors copy and you don’t have to mail a “thank you for donating your stuff to us” letter. Cha-Ching.
Any questions on tax write offs use this link: http://www.irs.gov/fairmarketvalue
Never give a value to a donor. That is between them and the irs.
Another way I have used to pump up a “non development” database is the phonebook. I pick a project and find people I want to help me in my project. For example, my NFP is buying toothbrushes, toothpaste, mouthwash, facial tissue, latex gloves, and tongue depressors from our never ending decreasing budget. We spend roughly 5k a quarter from our budget on these items. To me that screams doctors and dentists. And why doctors and dentists, you may ask? Because I can send a letter expressing my heartfelt story and make them feel for my plight. He does not have to give to my wonderful, community serving cause, from his wallet, but rather, he can ask his supply rep and pharmaceutical rep to help him. All I have to do is remind the doctor of his exceptional resource. Put a little bug in his ear and do it in a way he thinks that it’s his idea. They like that. Those reps are ass kissing just like the rest of us. They want to make that doctor happy so he will push their meds or use their products. All the doctor has to do is request, from his Pfizer rep, a case or two of facial tissue. It will probably have Viagra on it, but it all wipes the same. Now THAT DOCTOR is worthy of your database. If you get anything, from anyone, anywhere, get their info! Even if they are broke and have nothing in their pockets to give. They can give their time. Do you want to be the one entering this stuff into the database? I hope not because you have bigger things to accomplish then to data entry.
The dentist is the best. I have scored more toothpaste and toothbrushes than any SE person on the planet. I can assure you that I personally guilt my dentist and doctor on every visit. It is the least they can do for me for gaining by business and allowing me to use my “affordable healthcare” in their establishment.
What bank do you use? Hit them up too. Banks are good for administrative supplies. They have pens and all other sorts of stuff with their logos on them. Pens are also another good thing to get from your doctor. The pharmaceutical reps have thousands. If your NFP is buying pens, shame on you.
Now I am getting too deep into in kind and that is for next time. But one little story to tell about free pharmaceutical pens. I just got back from cold calling all sorts of people and mingling amongst the community. I was flaunting my new pens this rep gave me everywhere, using some of them I deemed “my favorite”, and knowing for sure I was the bomb. Back at work, I am wallowing in my free pharmaceutical logo pens, clueless to what any of it means, when a colleague walks into my office. We start chatting when she looks oddly at me, then my two favorite pens, back at me, then back at my pens. “WHAT! Why are you scanning me,” I replied. She asked me if I knew what the pharmaceutical names meant on both of my new favorite pens; both of which were different. I did not know and so what. They were free. They were great pens and I loved them…UNTIL….I found out they were creams for yeast infections. Then I wanted to die. I had just been all over town. I went to the Rotary Club, Better Business Bureau, Altrusa Intl., a few networking groups, cold calls, and I wondered how many people thought I was this nasty riddled up yeast infected God knows what. What did I do, you ask? Well I did the right thing I can assure you. I did the right thing because that is what I do and that is who I am. I gave them to my sister and told her how good they wrote.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Social Enterprise - Get with it already MORON
Wake up you brain dead do nothings. Sitting around crying over the cutbacks isn't going to help. Let me show you the way. Why me? Because I am great and God loves me. He lets me in on a few things that you may need to know about. So if you can tear yourself away from the long story of how busy you are (and your coworkers are sick that story by the way) try reading what I write and find out what it feels like to have true goodness. Also, FREE FREE FREE, I give it away for free. I am going to begin to post all my consulting wisdom for free. That's right. I'm trying to make up for the things I did in Vegas a few months ago. God forgive me.
Fundraising is a great way to get money to help the needs of our community but in times of national disaster you can just say, GOODBYE money it was so nice knowing you; unless you are Habitat for Humanity or Goodwill. Non profits have to get with the program. Anything is possible in social enterprise. Anything that is making money can be made for non profits. Car dealerships, retail, daycare, snowball stand, cutting hair or whatever the heck you can think up. Why depend on others when you should be depending on yourself. Remember the old adage, teach a man to fish...?
What about strategic partnerships? Theres an idea. Find a good business out in your community and partner with them. Let them know how they will benefit by helping you. They don't know what they are missing until you let them know. Don't be scared. It is a win win situation. You will not lose. He's down an out with the times, his ROI is decreasing as we speak, advertising dollars are just not in the budget, and it seems as if all is lost. But NO, wait a minute. Here comes Social Enterpriseman. I'm here to save the day. He needs S.E.man and he needs you bad.
"But what does our little non profit have to offer?" Offer? Are you serious? I could slap you personally. I see a position elimination around the corner. You have everything to offer. You have soft spots just waiting for your heartfelt story, a database with concerned citizens (soon to be the very target market your new partner needs), a development department that needs something to do, and the list goes on and on. Get him some help, and get at least 10% of the profit. I would shoot for 50% but that would depend on the level of kickass that your rep will have. Don't send Bertha and the hairy mole, get someone with game. The first impression is it or you are Pau Hana (see-YA).
Maybe my non profit needs a consultant to help us? Maybe? And maybe you need to stop being such a dumbass. Get some people with game. Roll up those sleeves and get to gettin'. Start out small and get your development department to do one social enterprise endeavour. Then in time you may want to get your very own S.E.man. Consultants are a WASTE of money. I know. I am one. What you can get from them you can get from the internet. Period. Look around. You will be amazed.
Search Social Enterprise on the internet. The first 10 companies that pop up offering their services GOT GAME people. They are there to tell me how badly I need their services. For a modest fee they will enlighten my world. Ahhhhhhhhhh. I can almost hear the angels singing. Of course we need to learn some new things but be realistic about your investment. It is possible to do it yourself if you start small.
I was researching how to scrap metal so I could start a scrapping program and can collection campaign for a NFP in my community and low and behold...I had a manual on "how to scrap metal". I could convince others they need this knowledge to make more money. Yea, that's it. And being that I am so God-like, I wrote the manual and gave it to the NFP to sell for the whole 100%. I know. They broke the mold. They will be making boat loads of money and I WILL NOT BE BITTER ABOUT THAT... Dammit. I hate that story. Its like someone you know personally winning a lot of money. I hate that. You have just lowered my odds. The mere fact that you won, took odds from me. You bastard. Ok, ok, I'm back. So that scrapping manual was SOCIAL ENTERPRISE.
Next posting here: How to build a database for free; and get free stuff too... Rock on man. Got to have that database people. Future ideas: in kind (free stuff and a % of your funding requirement with a sweet offset from budget spending.) Say that three times while rubbing your belly.
Well, got to run. I know, just when the fun starts. REMEMBER: Social Enterprise is not just for the big fat cats. It's for anyone who can dream. Bye dreamers.
Fundraising is a great way to get money to help the needs of our community but in times of national disaster you can just say, GOODBYE money it was so nice knowing you; unless you are Habitat for Humanity or Goodwill. Non profits have to get with the program. Anything is possible in social enterprise. Anything that is making money can be made for non profits. Car dealerships, retail, daycare, snowball stand, cutting hair or whatever the heck you can think up. Why depend on others when you should be depending on yourself. Remember the old adage, teach a man to fish...?
What about strategic partnerships? Theres an idea. Find a good business out in your community and partner with them. Let them know how they will benefit by helping you. They don't know what they are missing until you let them know. Don't be scared. It is a win win situation. You will not lose. He's down an out with the times, his ROI is decreasing as we speak, advertising dollars are just not in the budget, and it seems as if all is lost. But NO, wait a minute. Here comes Social Enterpriseman. I'm here to save the day. He needs S.E.man and he needs you bad.
"But what does our little non profit have to offer?" Offer? Are you serious? I could slap you personally. I see a position elimination around the corner. You have everything to offer. You have soft spots just waiting for your heartfelt story, a database with concerned citizens (soon to be the very target market your new partner needs), a development department that needs something to do, and the list goes on and on. Get him some help, and get at least 10% of the profit. I would shoot for 50% but that would depend on the level of kickass that your rep will have. Don't send Bertha and the hairy mole, get someone with game. The first impression is it or you are Pau Hana (see-YA).
Maybe my non profit needs a consultant to help us? Maybe? And maybe you need to stop being such a dumbass. Get some people with game. Roll up those sleeves and get to gettin'. Start out small and get your development department to do one social enterprise endeavour. Then in time you may want to get your very own S.E.man. Consultants are a WASTE of money. I know. I am one. What you can get from them you can get from the internet. Period. Look around. You will be amazed.
Search Social Enterprise on the internet. The first 10 companies that pop up offering their services GOT GAME people. They are there to tell me how badly I need their services. For a modest fee they will enlighten my world. Ahhhhhhhhhh. I can almost hear the angels singing. Of course we need to learn some new things but be realistic about your investment. It is possible to do it yourself if you start small.
I was researching how to scrap metal so I could start a scrapping program and can collection campaign for a NFP in my community and low and behold...I had a manual on "how to scrap metal". I could convince others they need this knowledge to make more money. Yea, that's it. And being that I am so God-like, I wrote the manual and gave it to the NFP to sell for the whole 100%. I know. They broke the mold. They will be making boat loads of money and I WILL NOT BE BITTER ABOUT THAT... Dammit. I hate that story. Its like someone you know personally winning a lot of money. I hate that. You have just lowered my odds. The mere fact that you won, took odds from me. You bastard. Ok, ok, I'm back. So that scrapping manual was SOCIAL ENTERPRISE.
Next posting here: How to build a database for free; and get free stuff too... Rock on man. Got to have that database people. Future ideas: in kind (free stuff and a % of your funding requirement with a sweet offset from budget spending.) Say that three times while rubbing your belly.
Well, got to run. I know, just when the fun starts. REMEMBER: Social Enterprise is not just for the big fat cats. It's for anyone who can dream. Bye dreamers.
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